Tuesday, September 11, 2012
the war of bad messages and food as medication
Any ground won, is won only for the day. There is not one thing wrong with my life today that 4 doughnuts or a bag a fix will fix. I'm changing the way I eat in part because I want to treat myself like someone I like or even love. My overeating will always be an issue I have to stay alert for. When I reach for something in the fridge to make me feel better or different, I'm reaching for a lie. The lie being that anything outside my self has the ability to fill the void inside where only the love of others and a power greater than myself can fill. Food is a very poor substitute for love, affection , intimacy and it quit working for me in the 3rd grade. I am almost 45 so I have used a broken coping tool for way to long. What if the voice in my head is wrong. What if I am enough and what if people will really love me for me. I've toted around a sack of lies, communication and pain from never feeling like I am good enough to love, as long as I can. I just have to stay aware and monitor the chatter in my head so when I feel the impulse to over eat, I can stop myself in mid-thought and make a healthier choice for myself.
Posted by etexman903 at 4:09 AM