Sunday, August 9, 2009

I would like to add this to the previous post regarding fear

I don't have kids, and I would never pretend to understand the level and depth on fear and concern where your kids envolved. But I do think when you feed your fears, they get bigger and they draw in what your most frightened of.

I loved the story of the man in ancient times, in the market place where he was told that death was coming for him this day. He took off running and ran from town all day till he collapsed on a mountain top. Just as he raised up from collapsing the realized death was standing in front of him on this mountain miles from the old mans home.

"how", how did you find me here".

Death said ," Well when I was told where I was going to have to meet you and take you I wondered how you would ever find your way here."

So many times we run toward what we are most afraid of thinking we are running from it.

That is priceless.

Breathing Possibility.

I had a brief encounter via email with an old friend who I think is pretty fantastic. She had sent me some of those forwarded emails from some fearful people and I wrote back they weren't really my thing because I don't live in fear and I don't generate it like I used to. I also shared that saying about whatever you focus on expands. I am so glad that I have that down for the moment. Because thought is energy when you obsess on a thought or a fear, your feeding it real live measurable energy.

I also got to tell her that I didn't worry about Medicare/Medicaid going away because I am a survivor and I'll get me needs met when and if the time comes for me to have to do that. It's fun in a way because since I am not there yet, neither are the tools to help me. We sort of get there at the same time.

I bought a really small Tolle book today at a discount store. I hope to read it this week like I would take a round of antibiotics to get rid of any diseased thought bacteria I am not aware of in this moment.

I was cracking up on a song Bette sings in Bathhouse Bettie called "I'm beautiful" which she repeats and repeats and ends with DAMMIT. I'm beautiful dammit. I am.

In the world of hunting for partners/lovers or just sex, you get the feeling that the world is filled with nothing but supermodels looking for supermodels. At the store when it was so jam packed at the registers, I mentioned how sad and tired people looked.

They also looked terribly normal and not a supermodel in the bunch. Same thing at Walmart today. It was so freaking fantastic to stand will or mill about and know that comfort comes in size Average.

I read the craigslist and another dating sight and I almost started to believe that because I couldn't win an amateur tighty whitey contest that finding a partner for anything was not going to happen. The thing I came away with today is, god bless those singles who are looking only for low BMI's and killer abs/guns. There aren't enough of those to go around. lol

I never thought I would be ok with my looks and my body but I am pretty damn close. I'm Beautiful dammit.