Wednesday, March 9, 2011

New things happen when they happen and I'm not that crazy

I've been slowly adding a 2.O designation to things I sign my name to. Clinton 2.0, Clinton Gandy 2.0 because in every single way I have been upgraded from the dismal operating system that i use to run. Instead of saying the new recovery voice inside my head directed me to do something different, I'm trying out just saying 2.0 said to do this or do that.
I just commented to Katy that 2.0 said I had options when a clerk went off on me and I thought I probably should put down in text form the whole meaning of the 2.O thing. It's the me that I refer to after recovery, and after 10 years of therapy, it is the better version of the same of the same deserving person on the planet I have always been, but I've just taken the upgrade that was made available but hard ass work and ego crushing blows that got me to a point of being teachable.
It is an millennial take on the old good twin/ evil twin. In my case it's recovery Clinton or dark and ill clinton. lol
It' won't mean anything to anyone but me. I want to see I have been remade when I see my signature. At least, Just for today.


Clinton 2.0

Check the damn INTENTION.

My intention behind the things I do is really important. What did I hope to accomplish. Sometimes I just don't look good even to myself. That is we are all about, the progress, sista. I'm learning relationships 101 and I have a pretty patient group of instructors in the hall. I guess some addicts come in with more social polish than others , but I've been away from people for 10 years because I was afraid to leave the house, and skills you don't use for that long, atrophy. My issue that has me be by the nads is letting people make their own mistakes without me trying to tell them that I think they are a bit of course. There are even areas in my sponsors life that I just have to bite my tongue and not be my mother by giving him these little "Tips" on how to live a learn more productively/happily. lol

I just keep my focus on my intention and try to let you learn the way you learn. My NA hall is just a giant study hall, where it is ok to make mistakes and know that you can't be run up and out of it while the process in in motion.

There was a lady I bump heads with, and I used a photograph to make a phony pharmaceutical advertisement using her picture. My plan was for one person, who would get a kick out of it to see it. Instead one of her sponsees saw it and went running to her sponsor that I put her in a Herpes Treatment advertisement.

My intention, was to knock down a person I considered a bully, privately. It set a lot of emotion IN motion and it taught me two lessons. One, the first is, leave no paper trail, and the other was to remember there is a person behind the mask of ego and bully.

I'd still love to take her inventory but recovery isn't about what I think of her program, it's putting together my own program that will save my ass. There are no saints in NA and we are all part horns and halos.

With my friends I usually say dirt whores with halos, but i don't know you guys well enough to call you loving pet names. lol