Maybe not the best day of my life, but pretty damn close and I don't recall a better one. After a week of detox and withdrawal from an antidepressant I have been on for over 4 years, I woke up this morning without the electric zaps in my head and I had real enthusiasm about getting out and living. I'm not saying I am cured by any means, depression is cyclical and it will roll around again at some point but, the big BUT, I think the 12 steps of NA and my support team of recovering addicts can get me through, if not, I still have refills at the pharmacy for a year. I didn't know until Monday talking with my pdoc that apathy is a product SSRI's. They keep you from going low or high. I didn't know how much I missed laughing until today. I thought I was laughing all this time, but today I clearly felt the difference, it was laughter with thought, and heart and the freedom from care like a child has. I also told a story that I personally find lovely and touch and my eyes responded by misting up. Oh my god, it's great to be a freaking human. lol
I'm very thankful that the worst part of withdrawal has passed or seems to. My body has been at a pleasurable non sticky temp all day, the sweaty sticky feeling is termed Paxil Flu on the list of symptoms.
The biggest lesson of the week for me is , balanced by the sanity the program of NA has restored me to thus far, it is perfectly fine for me to make decisions about my life, my health and my treatment of various issues. I am my own best advocate and if I don't speak my mind, whose fault is it I don't get fulfilled.
All over today I witness people who were once broken and drugged, make responsible choices for themselves and their families, and they are getting up and getting on with a life of endless possibilities. They are all so capable and it makes me hopeful that I am capable of way more than I could dream in my wildest dreams.
Let me put the disclaimer for your health on here, don't mess with your meds unless you have talked it through with your doctor. This time in my life it is right for me, and another big but to add, I still take Lithium and have no plans to stop. It keeps me from acting like CHARLIE SHEEN. I am sooo not kidding.