Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The blur that is my history, what was real and what was real fucked up.

I had a girl talk today and she mention how almost immediately her friends complained about the change that came over her the minute she began to use drugs, then I read a story online of a young woman who was laying in bed her head dizzy with the fact she had just finally lost her virginity. When she mentioned it to her party partner and bed mate that she was excited about losing her virginity finally. He looked at her and said, "I'm not sure what your talking about we had sex two nights ago".  She had not been away there naked fooling around had actually turned in to real sex because she was to drunk. The blur, the fuzz that envelops me when I use distorts EVERYTHING. Nothing about me functions normally, I perceive nothing normally , all my thoughts and feelings and emotions are warped. Upside down and backward is my normal diseased being. Even now when I experienced certain things I have to run it by someone else to make sure I am perceiving it correctly. When I look at my past, I must now be aware that I am seriously looking at it through fun house goggle.