Monday, May 23, 2011

More insight from Campout.

I am in that place this morning where I have had an experience and I must find a way to process it and get the most out of the effort. I am very disappointed that this weekend failed to move me in the way it seems to move others. Part of me wants to stomp and pout about how yet another time, I don't not fit in the groove that others do, the other part of me knows better. If anything was learned over the last three days is that my journey on the planet is going to always me uniquely my own. I have to find my own way of feeling connected and part of things. The thing I keep learning over and over and over again is that I'm not supposed to be like you. I am suppose to be me. I have to be me in order to get the things done, things the universe wants me to get done. I have to be honest, as I watched out the window of the rv at everyone running about, I was thinking, what is it in me that keeps me from enjoying the things that I am seeing through the plexiglass. So I think I am more assured now that there is nothing wrong with not caring for big functions, dances and campouts. It has nothing do to with me not trying to be "part of". Those just aren't my things and I am confident in that now. I'm not going to feel like I am not trying any longer. I know myself a lot better and I trust myself a lot more thanks to the 13th Annual Campout. Wasn't what I expected to figure out or learn from the weekend but, it's a pretty big shift in understanding and I will happily take it. The parts I did enjoy the most were the parts I could have driven out especially for like others. It is no big surprise that my favorite parts of the weekend were when I got to spend time with the people from the hall that have the "sparkle" I am drawn most. There are people in my recovery that I don't think it would ever be possible for me to get enough of.