Sunday, September 23, 2012


Just woke up thinking about how as humans we have a deep deep calling and desire to feel fulfilled. Whether it's our relationship with family or our relationship with the world. We crave to be full "feeled". The short cut of getting the most human of needs met causes us to reach for things that we think will fill us. Haircuts and colors, cars , clubs, sex or bigger TV's, are all exampled of us reaching outward for a lack of feeling full inward.  Food was the first thing I reached out for and it actually did fill me up or (feel me up).  The time I spend biting and chewing and swallowing was time when the world ceased to exist or stopped hurting. Eventually it  went to sex and then to alcohol, sleep and pills.

All the stuff I I tried to plug in to make me feel like a whole person , or an actualized spirit in the form of a human, failed me. Some took longer to fail than others. I live in a world where a rhinestone is just as good as a diamond to me but I know now that nothing, nothing is going to actualize and fulfill my spirit except for spirit. Faux-fillment will always fail in the end " Faux-feelment" will forever be a pail substitute for being filled from the inside out.  Fulfillment versus faux-Feelment.