Thursday, September 30, 2010

Mix of emotions.

I have been really troubled by the young gay man that killed himself after his room mate at school turned a web cam on him will he was having sex. I hurt because he hadn't been on the planet long enough and seen that we get through the really bad times. Nothing is ever so devastating it can't be worked through.

Honestly I don't know why or how I managed to grow up different in an area not known for understanding and tolerance . It makes me marvel at how strong I was without even knowing it. I believed that there was somewhere out there that would make more sense , I knew in my heart that there had to be a place of acceptance even if my head could not put it into words at the time.

I think about the young me's out there. Bullied and demeaned not knowing any thing different. I found food and that helped cut the pain until alcohol came. Then much much later I just wanted to be comatosed

I'm just very sad, for the boy up north and for the boy that was bullied inside me still.