Friday, May 6, 2011

It wasn't a leap of faith, I WAS PUSHED!

I have know idea what made me think of this, but nearly 20 years ago I saw this guy show up at a Lambda AA meeting with his suit cases. He had left his partner who did not want him  to have any life of his own and tried to disuade him from growing and changing. He said he told his older lover that "I will sleep on the sidewalk before I ever stay another night with you or in this house".  (When you don't have somewhere to go and you leave your house, that is sincerity)
When someone makes the decision the status quot is no longer and will never ever be enough, and they take bold action because of it, I find it the most thrilling thing in the world to be allowed to witness with me own eyes. I'd say 50 percent of the people of the world will never draw a line in the sand and say ,"I WILL NOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE". 
When I see people have enough and decide no matter how frightening not knowing what will happen, it makes it easier for me to embrace change in my own life.
Truth inspires truth and change inspires change. Through out the history of the world, things that didn't change and adapt, went the way of the dinosaur

In my life at 43, I have found the only way to enact change is to go "All IN"  with No Reservations. My resolve strengthens when I see others take the bold step of blind faith just as I have.

Despair, is that still a word?

I woke and and for some reason word, "Despair" came to mind. I have had days in recovery that weren't that great, and my emotional pain was not pleasant, but I have never been consumed by despair, since I had enough and tried a step based way to live. My life today, just for today is as opposite from from "Despair" as night is to day. Today there are pockets of light in me that I honestly haven't even realized are there, purging the embedded despair that I thought were original dark parts. I have been revolutionized and revitalized. Despair is the heart of the dark, and I never want to to be consumed by it again. Light-living is way more cool than trying to learn to love the dark.