Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Just so we are all on the same page, you do realize we are born with expiration dates right? I'm unclear how people can be shocked by someone's death. I pretty much treat everyone I come in contact , as maybe the last time I see them. I was only caught off guard one time and after that, I realized that "The last time I saw you, might be the last time I see you. The earth is a classroom and students come and go everyday. If you are here, it is for certain you will leave. Living in the moment keeps me from feeling cheated when someone takes exit. I would guess to some it might seem fatalistic, but that to me implies a certain amount of gloom. That is not my case though, there is nothing gloomy about enjoying the presence of someone like it could be the last time I saw them. When my friend Lee burned out on drugs, I took the time to talk with him and tell him everything I would hate to not have said if the death he was sprinting to happened before I got to say them.
 I had a friend who came to my school back in my Jr. in high school. He was only there for a couple of six weeks before he moved back to Dallas. When I lived in Dallas there was always part of me that searched every crowd for his face. A decade later, quite by accident, a fluke, I saw his name listed among the dead from the gay plague. I realized, the last time I saw Larry would be the last time I saw Larry. It was the last death that caught me off guard. He taught me in his death that anyone can be out of here at any time.
 There are still faces, beautiful faces I look for in every crowd, but I know that the love I have for those people isn't contingent on them being in my life or even being on the planet. That love partially shapes who I am and just because a physical story ends, I believe the most interesting part begins when we take exit. The psychical presence of a person is never necessary for me to think of them and allow the part of my heart they live in to light up.
It's all temporary. There is no such thing as permanence. People will die, people will leave your life. Why is this such a surprise to so many people. The lesson is to BE with people when you are WITH THEM. The tragedy, the real tragedy when someone leaves their live is all the time we wasted not being with them when they were here. You don't get those chances back. "  "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with"