Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I'd love to feel that safe and loved

I woke up in the same place I went to sleep. Cool. lol

by Clinton Rolen Gandy on Wednesday, March 16, 2011 at 6:20am
I got to speak with a great man with several months clean a few days ago and I have been pestering the him to find a sponsor. He said that he was working the steps and that he had several people that he spoke with but hasn't found someone to sponsor him yet. My concern for him is that I just like him so much and he has this great big spirit of kindness about him I worry that what has happened with other people I have seen who refuses to work the core CORE suggestions of the program is going to happen to him. Sponsoring yourself makes spotting areas of self=deception fucking impossible.
He mentioned he new someone who was a decade clean and had never been to NA.
All I need to know, is there is a Grand Canyon size gap in being abstinent and recovering. Maybe on a bad day, clinging to abstinence may be all I have, but I come to NARCOTICS ANNONYMOUS damn nearly daily and pay my dollar (most days) because I want to live a recovered life. I want my life and spirit to be remade from the inside out like dozens of other people I have seen. I'm not there by any means to win a fancy car or go back to school and see my lifelong dream of being a doctor or a lawyer finally happen.(some do and we use them for the brochure cover. lol)
My recovery goal and my recovery dream is really simple. I want to not use on a daily basis and wake up with the knowing I have something awesome to offer the world and I want to be as gentle and kind with my shortcomings as I am with yours.
I just want to thoroughly enjoy the experience of being a "spiritual being having a human experience", and I want to bring anyone that's interesting in that too, along with me.
Plus, it's nice to be at the party and not worry about being made fun of. lol

From the Basic Text of NA

We learn to become flexible and to admit when others are right and we are wrong. As new things are revealed, we feel renewed. We need to stay open-minded and willing to do that one extra thing; go to that one extra meeting; stay on the phone that one extra minute; and help that newcomer stay clean that one extra day. This extra effort is vital to our recovery. We come to know ourselves as never before. We experience new sensations, such as finding out what it is to love, to be loved, to know that people care about us, and to have concern and compassion for others. We find ourselves doing things that we never thought we would be doing, and enjoying them. We make mistakes and we accept and learn from them. We experience failure and we learn how to succeed.