Sunday, February 26, 2012

sunday night reflection.

It's one of those times when all is right with my spirit and my emotions and I am just filled with the overwhelming warmth. There was a lot of  instances earlier when I was cranky surrounding by a little chaos and I didn't attach to it. I moved through it and on with my life without setting roots down in the unpleasantness of strong willed people trying to have a meeting and none of us were any more right than the other. I got a call from a dear friend in the middle of it having a very very bad day. The fact that someone on or near the end of there rope and would reach out to me to feel better is overwhelming. Not that I could fix anything for them but I listened and tried to reorient my friend from the lies that fear was telling to the fact that he was in fact not cut of from spirit. Good stuff for me to remember, that just because the sky is dark, doesn't mean the sun isn't the sun isn't shining and when you can't FEEL you connection to spirit doesn't mean it isn't there. If you have a breath in your body you are connected. There is no possible disconnect unless you leave your body then you just rejoin spirit. We just have to keep making decisions based on love and fight hard not to let fear get a foothold and completely derail  us.  I'm so grateful for all the chances I squandered in getting here, everyone of them told me how "IT DOESN"T WORK",.

I booked myself into a show on April 14th. It will be the first time I have sun with a band on a stage in gosh, nearly 11 years. Not that I was ever a big deal as a singer but I did it for 15 years and was really really good for a while. I was just crippled with mental illness, non-existent self esteem and I was trying so hard to be what I thought everyone wanted me to be that the act of performance wasn't fun anymore.

When I take the stage on April 14th, it will be two years exactly, nearly to the hour that I took a ride to Lousisanna in a taxi cab to the mental hospital.  In less than two years I have really began putting a nice life together for myself. I want to sing because I have some unfinished business. I am singing a song that I learned over 20 years ago but never sang it. I have many friends from recovery who been so constantly supportive about me growing as a spirit in human form that I can't wait to show them a little of what one part of my life, or one of my man LIVES was like. They have pulled the creativity back out in me. I'll post a video of the show here when I get one.

I would have never guessed I would have this much life going on and this much spirit spilling out.