Sunday, May 9, 2010

final note for Sunday

I realized at the noon N/A meeting today that the more I am around Narcotics Anonymous the more I see that I would like for my life. I see new possibilities and there is a real excitement inside me that the complete, total, ground up overhaul of a life that has happened to others is happening to me.

Exciting. Goodnight.

Thank heavens for experience.

watching other people and what they do or don't do really helps me stay focused on my recovery. Simply removing the alcohol or drugs won't do for me what I need done. Removal of those two things will definitely keep you from getting into more trouble, it won't address the problem of living with a modicum of peace about myself.

I really want a life for myself that i haven't ever even dreamed of. That life and that peace all begin with getting to a meeting, becoming teachable and willing. The meeting is like the freeway entrance, I have to go through there to get anywhere.

If nothing changes, nothing changes. What am I actually willing to do differently, what thinking am I willing to relearn, how much fear can i walk through in order to let people know me. Today I want this more than I want to settle for what I had.

I went to a noon meeting and me and another guy were the only two who showed up. I sat on the stoop with him and talked with him and was willing to call it a meeting when another member showed up who called someone with a key.

It ended up being 5 of us and it was an intimate , honest meeting. Even when silence fell it was a soft silence that filled my recovery tank. It was a great meeting and I left feeling connected to recovery and people in my core.