Thursday, October 22, 2009

My favorite Time of the night

The house has settle to the just the hum of the air purifier, my sleep meds are dissolving in my stomach and I am looking forward to sleep. Sleep has been so hard for me all my life when I get in a loop of sleeping well for a few hours I feel like i won the lottery.

Tomorrow is my 42nd birthday. I can't believe I've had that many of them. Unlike a lot of years, I've made real progress in being a human being this last year. I haven't spent 365 days afraid.

I leave next weds. at 10am for North Carolina. It's so odd to have the freedom to try another town or state if that one doesn't suit me. I'm loving the sense of understanding my freedom. All that freedom hinges on me understanding that I will be OK no matter what. When you know you are a survivor it really does cut out a lot of self created fear.

I still have so much stuff to get together before my trip. I am going to have to take my list and systematically start getting it cut down. Haircut, is near top of the list.

Once I was in the "Hospital" or "exhaustion" clinic if I were a celebrity, the bed was so uncomfortable all I could think for two weeks a cushiony bed and a real pillow. The pillow they gave me was a card board box sealed in plastic, thick tarp material. It crinkled so loudly when you moved it would wake you up.

Almost every night since then, I really do have a wave of gratitude was over me when I lay down at night and I arrange my three pillows for my big head. lol