Friday, December 16, 2011

How I know I am human

I was a really good Clinton Gandy imposter for most of my life. I was good at knowing the perfect thing to say, whether it was real or made up on the spot. What you thought of me mattered me than what I thought of me and no matter how much that you like me, I knew something you didn't. You didn't know me at all so it was all very empty. I read a book that uses the word "parody" in it. I come from theatrical roots so I was more than familiar with the term, but I had never associated it with my personal life. That's what I was , I was a parody. I was an exaggerated version of a character loosely based on myself. I was a good copy of a poor original, a good production of a really bad play.
I'm better now. On most days, I don't allow you to write the story of my life and certainly don't wait for you to put value on my existence. These days I am actually finding my own value, my own strengths and my own ideas of what makes my life worth living. I know who I am when no one is looking. I"m the most authenic version of myself than I have ever been and i suspect no reason to not believe I can only get "truer" as I live a life based on love, service, compassion and forgiveness of myself and others.

If these thoughts to provoke/inspire you, well, you are dead inside. lol

"There are two emotions: love and fear." — Iyanla Vanzant 

"You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people. But until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed." — Iyanla Vanzant 

"We have a tendency to always test people's love. 'I want to see how badly I have to behave before you'll leave me. Because I don't really think you want me anyhow.'" — Iyanla Vanzant 

"You are never angry for the reason you think you are. There's an older hurt under that."
— Iyanla Vanzant 

"My favorite definition [of forgiveness] is giving up the hope that the past could be any different."
— Oprah 

"Create what you want as opposed to being stuck in what you didn't have." — Iyanla Vanzant 

"The best students get the hardest lessons." — Iyanla Vanzant
"Our beliefs become the rules we live by, and then here's what happens: We make ourselves right." — Cheryl Richardson 

"Affirmation plus action equals miracles." — Cheryl Richardson 

"Every word you speak and every thought you think is an affirmation for your future."
— Cheryl Richardson 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, and not our darkness, that frightens us."
— Marianne Williamson, quoted during the webcast by Oprah 

"The key belief—Gary Zukav said this many years ago—the key belief is whether or not you believe the universe is a compassionate and loving place. ... I would have to say, I believe that no matter what, no matter what difficulty, no matter what dark hour befalls me ... there's a rainbow in the cloud." — Oprah 

"If you want a divorce, you're already alone. Because ... you're married to a person you don't want to be with." — Martha Beck
"When you don't show up as who you are, people fall in love with who you're not. Then when they find out who you are, that's when they leave." — Iyanla Vanzant 

"Just give yourself permission to tell the truth to yourself." — Iyanla Vanzant 

"Stay in your car in your lane on your road in your world. Stay in your own lane. Don't be minding other people's spiritual business. Stay in your car. In your lane. On your road. In your world." — Iyanla Vanzant 
"That's ... what Gary Zukav says about authentic power: Authentic power [is] when the personality comes to serve the energy of your soul."—Oprah 

"Very often as adults we still behave like we can't say this. We can't do that. We can't ask for this. ... We deal with people as if we're children who don't have the right to speak up. Deal adult to adult." — Iyanla Vanzant 

"Love people enough to tell them the truth. And respect them enough to know that they can handle it." — Iyanla Vanzant 

"If you start from the place of being grateful—this is what I love when I keep a gratitude journal, trying to do at least five things in a day that I'm grateful for—it means you look at the day differently." — Oprah 

"You are the only one who gets to say what goes on in your life. And when you say something—that this is going to go on in my life—[and] then it doesn't work, you get to say something else. ... Make another choice in another moment." — Iyanla Vanzant 

"Life gives you an endless supply of do-overs." — Iyanla Vanzant