Sunday, February 6, 2011

Wow, huge huge understand shift tonight at meeting.

The topic was respect. I shared that it is one of those things that when I give you respect , I in turn gain self respect and that it was one of the many many paradoxes of the program, the more I love you , the more I love myself. The more I understand you the more I understand myself.

I commented that since these paradoxes were so plentiful in recovery it shows me the we are all way more closely connected than we think. Then just as I finished sharing the shift occurred. There is no separation between us. We are fucking ONE. That is why the jail I plan for you would be the jail that I myself rotted in. Loving you IS loving myself. What fucking trip.

The day that you put in the work for.

Maybe it was the sunshine that finally came out and illuminated the world that began reappearing as the day grew on , or maybe it was the meeting I got to make at lunch yesterday. I am in full peace mode and it is ridiculously sublime. I got in two meetings yesterday and I had an early and extended meal with 3 of the men I am just crazy about. There all three professionals with much longer clean time and they totally let me play their reindeer games. I spoke once and I realized that all three had their eyes on me and they all 3 gave me their attention. It was thrilling, because I was raised with a dad who said "Children are to be seen and not heard'. So to hold the attention of these professional, smart men made me feel like I might actually be someone and that I had thoughts and things of value to share"
One of the most valuable things we can do to heal one another is listen to each other’s stories.

— Rebecca Falls
I slept great and I went to the grocery store and sort of floated through the isles taking in the colors and checking out new products. I saw a couple from my 12 step group and they were just miserable. The lady had no light in her eyes and she looked like a corpse. Like she forgot she was alive. It just made me all the more grateful for the string of peaceful moments I've strung together.