Friday, December 23, 2011

Note to my friend, my KINDRED in CA

Well, your email just made my Christmas. I am the most fortunate person I know. Not for the obvious reasons(legs eyes, ability to toilet myself) lol  but mainly for being able to function for as long as I functioned, asleep/deadened to my true self only to wake up to this beautiful dream. In the last few days my spirit has either received an upgrade or it's opened up and all the years I felt like I was behind a glass wall that kept me from the rest of the human experience has seemed to shatter. Just for today, I lived long enough to waken from the dream of separation. The universe seems to have a way of creating for us whatever we believe in our heads, thankfully and I mean that, I have started to re-order the what I hold in my head and heart and woke up in a different world. As I mentioned in the letter you were the first person to crack open the door to the possibility of a different existence for me. I try to pay that forward as often as possible. I so honor the space you take up on this planet. 

There was this tall very blond 23 year old at a meeting the other night, and he shared that he lived in the woods by the lake and that he had a bus ticket to a town with a different lake and he didn't know what to do. He wasn't ashamed and talked about it in such a 3rd party way that he was completely separated from himself and the horror.  Girl I've never had to fight of sobbing in a meeting but the fact that this beautiful kid had a disease that told him he deserved to live in the woods because that is all he deserved pushed all my buttons of how the diseases first of Alcoholism, then full fledged addiction told me lies about the fact that I was separated at birth from all of the possibilities for love and life that every other person on the planet had. My disease told me all the time that I need to live on the streets, under a bridge. That is why I have always had a connection with homeless people when I bump into them I guess. It reminds me of this song called "No one ever it to blame" and the lyrics were like "You can look at the menu but you just can't eat" and "your the fastest runner but your not allowed to win". I told the kid he didn't deserve to live in the woods and that the disease of addiction lies. Perhaps his soul can wake up from the lie and maybe my experience can help that happen sooner rather than later.

This Christmas, which serves mainly as a mile marker for where I was in any given year, finds me with a spirit bigger than it has ever been. I know the secret that the more I give away freely the more my spirit fills this giant ass texas size man body I have. I sent that picture of me and I have used it for several things on the net because it was the first picture I have had of myself where i looked at it with great love and said, "that's me, that's what I look like". Just finding the basics out about myself like a child. "That's me, that's what I look like".  I am glad I know that, and I'm glad I know you and I know what you look like. I couldn't be happier to have you in my experience on the planet. I love you and all your fucking little quirks and thank you for doing the same for me. We aren't easy but my god xxxx, we are SPECTACULAR as spirits in human form.

Don't let the fuckers bring you down, love