Tuesday, October 13, 2009

99.9% of Ideas out there don't fit me.

Only .1 percent of the the new ideas we are exposed to are going to work. "Work" meaning they can be applied to our lives and they will prove beneficial to our progress of as humans, friends, lovers, brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers.

The real trouble for a lot of us comes when a big idea working in others lives doesn't work for us. The times I have tried to align myself with a cause or religion or way of thought because it seemed to work so well for others can't be calculated it is so large.

When you are like the way I have spent most of my life, and you have no real sense of self, it took longer than it could have to ultimately reject those failing ideas. I thought I was the failure. It didn't dawn on me that the idea failed in my life. If there was failure, I took it on as mine. Always.

As humans we are such individuals that it is impossible for one idea or movement, political group or religion to work for all of us. One size doesn't fit all and it either takes a world of pain to propel us further along or really great inspiration.

I thought I was getting hit on hard once. I grooved to everything they were saying. Then instead of going out a date I was asked to an Amway meeting. I knew enough about the organization to know it was for me and most importantly I was right for them. I didn't know very much about myself then but I did know basic rudimentary things like I didn't like most vegetable, excessive heat or getting up early.

We have to get to know ourselves in order to recognize the breadcrumbs to follow to the new ideas.

The way I began to get to know myself better was I had to learn to distinguish the voice prompts , "old tapes" that played in my head and then I had to question them, or stop them.

Once I found that inner directive I started using it and telling it yes. When I would leave town to drive home and realized I had had an urge to take the other way home than usual, I did it. The more I honored my inner guide voice, the strong it was and it became way more organic.

Being myself is very hard for me. First it leaves me fearful and vulnerable when I don't have defenses up and I'm just being me. BUT, preparing for a punch can be much worse than the punch most of the times.

I felt bad when i went to a drinking support group for many reasons. First I didn't have a token amount of sober time early on to feel like I had any cache' and I didn't have anything to offer that would be valued.

Then when I had several years time there in the support group I felt set apart because frankly I didn't really care if I lived or died. I was doing all that was ask and I just didn't feel like a human.

I spent way to much time trying to make that whole program/group work for me when it was never going to work for me like others. Funny enough one of their favorite sayings "keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results" applied to me with that sober movement.

When you are born different and you realized that you don't fit in to the world around you, protective mechanisms are formed quickly, quickly.

I thought it was best to ignore who I was and assimilate to them. I lost myself before I even knew it. I would try to act like I was suppose to then be me in secret. I actually did spend time in the closet growing up. I was playing. Dress up.

If one of my good friends asked me, how to start to turn it around to have a life that is justified to themselves I was advise. Start getting rid of what isn't you.(books, clothes, friends, movies). Start listening to what your thought voice is saying. Learn to distinguish your directive voice and the dangerous ones that make you hurt and feel worthless. I don't mean audio hallucination voices!

The MOST important thing is start exposing yourself to all the new ideas about love, life, spirit, creativity that you can. 99.9% won't apply to you but it only takes .1 to be a happy spirit on the planet.

One reason kids are so happy is they live in a world of color and creativity. Do something creative everyday. Write a funny email, paint a picture, style a wig, plant some flowers. As long as you are bringing forth some measure of beauty into the world that wasn't there before. You create creative energy when you do that which empowers you and then goes into the universe. Lord knows it needs all the good energy we can create.