Saturday, February 12, 2011

Just For Today Meditation and my response

Living In The Moment
"We regretted the past, dreaded the future, and weren't too thrilled about the present." Basic Text, p. 7
Until we experience the healing that happens when we work the Twelve Steps, it is doubtful that we can find a statement more true than the quote above. Most of us come to NA hanging our heads in shame, thinking about the past and wishing we could go back and change it. Our fantasies and expectations about the future may be so extreme that, on our first date with someone, we find ourselves wondering which lawyer we'll use for the divorce. Almost every experience causes us to remember something from the past or begin projecting into the future.
At first, it's difficult to stay in the moment. It seems as though our minds won't stop. We have a hard time just enjoying ourselves. Each time we realize that our thoughts are not focused on what's happening right now, we can pray and ask a loving God to help us get out of ourselves. If we regret the past, we make amends by living differently today; if we dread the future, we work on living responsibly today.
I've done a lot , a LOT of studying about the "Moment' even in addiction I was reading and talking with some very spiritual people. What I have found for me, is, the reason the moment is so important is because it is the only place where we can instigate change. The steps, the program, the friendships all allow me to monitor the chatter and misdirection in my head and act on it accordingly. It brings me PRESENCE of mind. I am present in my mind. I can see old behavior patterns trying to cycle, I can see that this tiny thing I am about to rage at, isn't what I am mad about at all. In recovery my thoughts MUST be monitored by me. I have to catch it in the act to correct it.

I tell myself things when I think I am not listening, recovery helps me listen to what pain, hurt, anger or disease is telling me and it lets me detect, direct it or deflect it. The moment also is the only place that I may experience joy, beauty and love. Sometimes someone's touch or hug can bring me back into my body and my moment.

Every single morning I get a diet Coke, a smoke and turn my computer on. I go to NA.Org and I scan the literature chapter list or the IP list and I click on something I am directed to. I read and smoke and drink my Diet Coke until something I read connects me to myself again. The process of remembering who I am in the program of NA puts me directly in the center of my moment. That sets me up in the only spot that I can feel, love, learn, correct behavior patterns and my favorite , see beauty. I spent my life running from the moment because that was where the pain lived. Now I know it is where my capacity to love, forgive and change is-in the moment.

I've read a very book on NOW and if anyone wants to check it out just email. It's isn't NA literature but it has certainly enabled me to let go of old ideas and guide me to the place I am teachable.......

Have a great weekend everyone. I just bought a new fridge online. LOL How glad am I that I live in the internet millennium and that Home Depot Delivers.

We may be loved tomorrow but we can only feel it right now.