Thursday, May 8, 2014

I think that, at least in the western culture we are so preconditioned to "happily ever after" that anything that doesn't end with bow on it when the credits begin to roll is viewed as a failure. The stark sobering reality is more often than not, things don't go or end the way we plan them to in our head. When that happens does it mean there is absolutely no value left it in?
How can someone be married or married 20 or 30 years and see that time as a failure? Or how could someone be clean and sober for 15 years and feel like they failed recovery? The real life story will rarely if ever live up to the fantasy forever and ever after. My observation is that our human lives are comprised of endless stops and starts. My fav. cousin has had more real life tragedy than any one person I have known and she said an interesting thing as just an afterthought tacking it on to our conversation. "Life is just a string of experiences strung together by our hearts".
If I can focus on the fact that my life is a collection of experiences with very few linear narratives, I am much less apt to label anything as an epic failure. When I see and remember, it is the string of events and experiences that make up my life. There will be no one story I attach to that will ultimately put the stamp of success or failure on my entire time on the planet as a human. Some stories we live are short stories, some great loves, as Carrie Bradshaw bemoans in "Sex in The City" are not sweeping epic novels.
To live a fulfilling life I have to somehow learn to absorb all the life from the short bursts of life as it happens. I must extract all the joy, love, sadness, hurt, happiness and hope in the smallest of moments and let go of the screwed up Disney tales that we all live happily ever after with no effort on our part. If we are the luckiest of " luckies" , the only thing that will be with us the entire trajectory of our lifespan are one or two family members or one good friend. All the rest of the stories that will unfold will neither value our worthiness no will it devalue you the worth of our time here.
I wish I had known earlier when I saw clearly that something was NOT going to last or work out like I hoped , that is didn't mean that the thing was a failure, it was just one of the many occurrences in life that presents itself then fades away for whatever reason and the only common thread between them all it the string my heart strings them together with. We must let the story end so the new one can begin. "Let it GO, let it gooooo".