When I remember to play "my last day here",. I see things I would otherwise miss. The particular shade green or the peculiar shape of a tree, the smell of coffee and how it smell beckons me to the pot even though I rarely drink it. How a song on the radio brings back of flood of memories dripping with the smells and sounds of the time right along with it. I look at the loved ones I have with such compassion and gratitude as I notice things like how time has shown up around their eyes or the drape of the skin on their neck. I see a woman standing two lines down at the grocery and my chest fills up with sadness as I read the misery on her face and the slope of her shoulders that have bore more weight than they should have. The kid playing near my feet isn't an annoyance , more a study of how even a dirty check out isle is a great place to play with a hot wheels car. The disparity of the sad lady's energy and the fresh energy of this kid is not lost to me. The lady a head of me hopes their is enough money on her card to pay for the small amount of items. I suddenly feel weight of having enough food on a daily basis to grow a kid and a family. I take the time to experience the sensation of my own weight on my feet as I see a wheel chair bound man roll in to shop. Suddenly I am in gratitude that I can get in and out of a car without help, move quickly through the store to collect the things I want , not just what I need. It's a big thing for me to comprehend with each breath that I have every thing, EVERY thing I need and most of my wants. I see the sad lady lug her groceries to the parking lot and get in a vehicle that looks as weary and tired as she. A kid cries and to her and suddenly her face lights up as the kid throws the car door open for his mommy.
That is just an hours worth of observing life like I was leaving the planet tomorrow. Last week when I did "last day here", i was hypnotized by an out of place that of cane growing behind the Sonic and the wind was causing it all to blow in circles but in opposite directions why the sun light beating down it is made it appear to me outlined in silver.
When I slow down and observe, my life is enriched in ways I would never have guessed. Time with friends is felt and treasured, food is amazing and even the feel of my body in the seat of a car that is moving is a sensations worth noticing. Using all my senses purposely really fills my spirit and I wish I lived that way everyday. While, I am closer to it than ever before , I'm miles away. I'm here for the full meal deal , and I'm "all in Motherfucker".