Thursday, August 30, 2012

Time marches on.
I have to tell a funny one on myself. In 2001 I got a letter in the mail from the county clerks office 6 months earlier when officers took me to have blood drawn at Good Shepard. I was in such a stupor in general when that letter came I didn't open it for days. When I finally opened it is said I was charged with driving under the influence. So from that point on, going to the mail box has been something I do with trepidation. So yesterday, I opened the box and the was a thin thin letter from Department of Public safety. Even though it was 11 and a half years later, I got that same feeling of "What the fuck is this and what have I done I have forgotten about" Sweating and woozy I ripped the envelope over picturing saying good by my friends. The letter said , "Mr. Gandy this is just a reminder that your license will expire in October on your birthday. The price for renewal is 25.00." I've had the same drivers photo is 1998 because I just renewed online. I look nothing like my photo with naturally dark hair and a look of optimism about the face that hasn't been seen since my early thirties. lol Seriously, I thought I was head to the big house, the joint, the big EZEE wait, that's New Orleans.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

You get what u need.

Today was the first day, the first real day I was obsessed with food. From the moment I woke up my head was trying to write recipes for the day. I had to pull out all the stops but I managed not to reach for food as medicine for a bum attitude. Getting through the day without cratering to my obsessive thoughts means more to me than the fact I am coming in UNDER  my point block. Another matter to throw me off, all the fruit I like to eat has a high acidic level and my tongue is sort of blistered. I have a points for after dinner food and then I am going to bed. I"m going to try to journal/blog a bit and maybe get myself more centered, as the great 70's diet book says, "It's what eating you, not what you are eating". lol  I also think I have a skewed image in my head at what roughly 2 months looks like and I am not coming up the the imaginary level of loss I believe exist.  I am very thankful this is in fact far from my first trip to the rodeo and I do know a little more this time, mostly I know , if you keep doing what you have been doing, you're gonna keep getting what you already had and didn't want. I don't want to go backwards, so i commit to learning to live with going forward and feeling awkward. You dig?

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

one in , one out.

My friend has had  her baby on the day that her aunt is to be buried. It doesn't take a giant of observation to notice that there is something fantastic, huge, spiritual about a soul making an exit and one making an entrance. I am so comforted in my spirit of the fact that life goes on and a spirit leaving this plane is just as exciting and inspiring as the one coming to planning. The finish is just as spectacular as the start.What you choose to fill your life with  while your here decides your overall experience.
What are the words, the sounds the actions you use when you interact with a love one. While yelling may make you feel better at the time, it does not convey your point any better than softer tones would. You do not yell at people you love, ever. We have to treat the people with love with love otherwise the message comes out garbled and we have passed on the terrible directions on what love looks like, what love sounds like.

One soul exits and all the possibilities end, one soul enters and a whole new book is opened to blank pages that will be filled with it's own storehouse of what is possible..

I'm just moved that I am allowed to see it unfold. Thank you for giving me the gift of "sight'.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012