Thursday, December 1, 2011


I've been sort of hung up in the middle of an upgrade and I've had to stay present and work program to keep my head above water.. I had a friend keep me company for 3 hours on the phone the other night and I talked about about my longstanding issue with my dad. The next day I listened to a lady I feel like is the real deal talk for two hours about true forgiveness. When it comes to parents she said, even if they treated you horribly growing up it is important to at least honor the fact that they are responsible for the act of our creation. I've known for  a long time that I needed to get to a place of real forgiveness with my  parents and stepmother. Not saying I have to engage them in relationships now, because it wouldn't be healthy but in about 24 hours of hearing Iyanla I had a major shift in consciousness and I became lighter in spirit. That is what forgiveness feels like to me, lightness and focus. It's not safe for me to engage in any interactions with my dad and stepmom but I am choosing to forgive me dad. I had a dream 2 nights ago where my stepmom went to hug me one of her fake hugs and I backed up and said NO. I'm not going to play nice, not play like she didn't sand bag my mother in her grab for my dad. To do that fake shit DiShonors my spirit.  I actually feel like I haven't felt in months, where I can be so moved by a story or a song I feel emotion well up. That's a good feeling. I hope my upgrade, (this upgrade) is either complete or far enough along that I can start using some of the new functions and capabilities. I'm free, clean and dare I say happy. I look forward to more of the same or support if it gets ugly from my friends with similar journeys. I haven't used drugs, including alcohol and pot in 19 months and one week, give or take a day and I'm set up to live the life I want not the one I think I deserve.

Religion SUCKS