Sunday, May 19, 2013

grinding down

Had a headache since I woke up, it's now roughly 18 hours later. I was afraid that I caught a virus from a guy who had it last night. I guess it's more effects of quitting smoking 6 almost 7 days ago. I've been tapering on the the "gum". Detox I reckon'. Trying to to attach myself to the dull feelings. This to shall pass.

My circle, inner circle of recovery folks has shrunk like crazy and I am frustrated my phone isn't ringing and there is no one to call who is into the quest as I am. I ask my HP to put some people in my life who have open minds and a real desire to grow in spirit.

My sponsor is in the throws of disease and he isn't available and worse, even when I do talk to him, HE ISN"T there it's some ungrounded poor version of himself. It makes me mad as fuck, he keeps taking that mess of a girl back and completely regress into someone he claims he doesn't want to be.

I hope I never have that situation in my life.