Wow, had an epiphany driving today. Something in me has healed regarding religion. I had what would be akin to the "Battered Wife Syndrome" where church is. To prevent an assault, I have very proactive about striking first.
I feel very strongly about my level and approach to spirituality and I was thinking that maybe the peace and wonder I experience is the same that religious people feel at church, only they call it something different. There is way more strings with the organized stuff, but the main thing is not everyone is out to damn me and tell me all the reasons I deserve an eternity in the version of hell.
I'm frankly tired of the WELL DESERVED chip on my shoulder regarding christians. They aren't all homophobic, zealots who thrive on judgment and condemnation but the ones who get TV deals and protest at soldier's funerals are I think FUCKING MEAN ASS NUTS.
I am not meant to enter the spiritual flow through old school means, but I do believe my friends have used the churches for their entrance into the flow and we end up at the same place spiritually.
At the core of all the religions I have read about, the fundamentals of love, tolerance and service are the cornerstones. The rest seems to get mucked up the the "Business" of religion and church.
People do Fucked up stuff in the name of religion, and that is never going to change. I have changed though. I don't fear those people anymore. There is no place in my recovery life for that deep deep fear any longer.
I had to be shown. I've made friends with a couple of people who have their faith and organized services yet they are able to come into a recover centered 12 group and never once introduce the outside issue of their faith into the meeting, and I think they like me and I really like them.
When i saw one friend's post on a social network before I knew she was fond of organized worship, I was really devastated because I like her so much in the meeting but she was KooKoo Christian on a post. I talked about it and got over the fear. The experiences of your past will keep playing and playing unless you finally question it's present validity. Does this resentment fit my life or reflect my own spirit of humanity?
Really Really tired of wagging that issue around and today I have hope I'm getting somewhere. We never get anywhere holding a past against each other. We need each other to much, my actual life depends on me trusting you.
The lovely, lovely paradox is, the bigger break I give to others, the bigger the break I give myself and vice versa.