Sunday, December 25, 2011

Christmas as a non Christian is a trip

I'm not Christian so the whole "birth of our savior" thing is kind of lost on me. I love a lot of people who are christian and I am hopeful for them they get out of this day what they need to get out of. In my childhood and young adult I spent the christmas seasons frightened out of my mind. It brought out the worst in my family. My sister is still the MOST ungrateful person on the planet, my mother fraught with expectation so high no one could reach them, and my dad just miserable that his life was,,,,well his life. He hated his job and it ate his soul daily so spending the blood money from it on useless gifts was hard to watch for him. I was stuck in the middle of being the only feeler in the family, enjoyment out of getting great gifts, and guilt because I could read the very air we stood in and it was gasoline waiting to be lit.

I was sooooo relieved when I finally convinced my mother not to put a tree out because it was the symbol of expectation and hideous moments to come. I joke every year that if I had beaten cancer, I would not trot out a giant tumor and festoon it with glass and beads and lights. It was the harbinger of disaster.

I'm not scared of this day any longer. I have no expectations and since Jesus is not my personal savior I am released from the religious aspect as well.  I wish the goodwill and love that was practiced at christmas could be spread out through the year. People are hungry on July 19 just as much as December 25. People are homeless everyday of the year. If people were really interested in being like their Christ, they would find a way to embody his ideas of , love, compassion , forgiveness and service to others every day and not just when they need to feel good about themselves. I don't think you get any bonus points for doing service if the reason your are doing it is to be seen doing them or to make yourself feel good. lol