I have been thinking about a couple of people that are in my recovery hall. They are smart, very quick and full of book knowledge from all the literature of NA. When they share, if a new person came in they would think, wow, those two know a lot. What they don't know is how to hook all that knowledge up to their spirits and actually get recovery. Instead of spouting off book shit for over five minutes, a simple "I'm scare or I'm confused, or I need help" would get them much further along. I had to ask a friend if I shared like that when I came in because I wasn't sure. She said I didn't and that I was sincerely asking for help and admitting I didn't know what I was doing. I don't like anyone to open two books when they share and point out sentences and passages like they were doing us a favor and have prepared lessons or sermons for us. I feel like if they don't learn how to shut up and simply state their feelings they are going to have a few more years of floundering and being disconnected. I personally like being the newcomer. I don't have to pull amazing and wise shit out of a hat. I'd like to share my experience with you but I don't want to say anything that I have not gotten some sort of organic, living, breathing comprehension of the topic of discussion in recovery. You are smart, and quick, we get it. What the fuck is that good for if you can't use it to have a day without using or obsessing to use. Stop worrying about what you look like on the outside, what you drive, what you work at. I don't know if anyone is going to speak up or not. We love you regardless and as good at recovery as you get, you never get to graduate.
The lesson I learn from these members is to feel more, live more and give my mouth a rest. There is no glamor or celebrity in being crowned king of NA or Queen of the nuthouse so just let go and be the one who needs to be loved on the most. It is well within my personality to try to impress with my wit and brilliance, but I had nearly 20 years in the other fellowship where I "knew" to much for my own good and it never really did for me what it did for others, even when i was sober for a few years. If you have less than 30 days, I request that you do not quote entire passages out of the book. You clearly haven't internalized them and we start small and build on top of that. Is this my experience or is this my ego? Turning the words in print into imprints on my spirit is more important than delivering the keynote speech at every meeting I go to. Also, as a group, we are pretty fucking hard to impress. lol