Powerless over cookies and my life has become unmanageable

An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.

– Friedrich Engels #

Putting new tools into action

For the last 24 hours I have had ample opportunity to use the new coping skills I've picked up with family that hasn't changed much. It is so thrilling to know that , all I can do , is all I can do, and be done with it. I love the Al anons mantra "I didn't cause it and I can't cure it".

The fact is , shit rains down on everyone at times. It isn't singling you out for more than your share. You buy focusing all your energy on the shit storm perceive it to be more than your share of shit. But in proper perspective, it's relatively equal to everyone elses.

There is time for being disappointed but the quicker you jump into recovery mode the better.

I am very tired of people who claim deep faith only to instantly go into "woe is me" when stuff happens. We live in a world that is built for balance, it is created so that it is easier for us to "right" ourselves when we get upside downed.

I can see at this moment so much to have real gratitude for that I get frustrated when people who seemingly have more than I , complain about their portion of the pie.

For reasons completely unknown to me I am filled with peace and hope, for myself, my friends and family, and finally our planet.

We are in perpetual motion. Moving to somewhere and away from what we knew as reality. If I had a wish for everyone I loved it would be that they learned to live before they focused on their final exit.

What comes after life is mere speculation. Why not focus on the stuff that isn't speculation, which is the life under neath your own nose.

If you are going to spend you energy loving something dearly, make sure it is something that actually has the capacity to love you back.

I'm giving the choice of to recover or not, a hundred times a day

I was noticing today just how many chances I had to choose to react to things the old way, (which for any of you that know me, gets me no where), or I have a chance to chose differently, to make purposeful decisions hoping for new outcomes.

Very few of them were "big" decisions. When your trying to overhaul you existence I guess even the smallest choice is a big decision.

The main thing is, I didn't let fear influence any of my decisions. Well, maybe one, but I will deal with the consequences of that later, because it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

In 100 days, I have become a member of a group that wants to help me, and I in turn am there to help others. I know names, and mine is known, and I have phone numbers and emails of people who want nothing from me but to show me how to live my life the way I want it. So much can happen in such a short time. You can care so deeply for someone when they come to you with honesty about their situations.

To whom it may concern

I explain somewhere on this blog that I just can't go back to proof read for errors when I make an entry here. I start second guessing myself, toning things down and many times deleting or rewriting all together. You much likely to find my real truth, if I let the errors stand and leave the text alone.

I don't think in complete sentences.

Today was a great day, one in which I was fully aware that the universe was open for me to be a part of. I was comfortable being me, and comfortable being me in the company of others. That is something I have dreamed of my entire life.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Fear makes folks act stupid. Fear brings out the worse in people. Fear divides countries and families. The fearful are so easily manipulated that they are their own worst enemies.

I can't fear you anymore and expect to have a decent shot at living the second act of my life.

Fear keeps you small and I am tired of being small.

Keep your little ideas about love and life and meet me where the big boys play when your done.

Well, it's that time.

I wanted to focus on staying clean and sane first, then I wanted to concentrate for a whole month on stopping smoking before I seriously addressed my weight problem. Tomorrow is a month exactly that I quit smoking so the weight issue is at hand.

The think I want to focus on with food is, enjoying eating but not be compulsed to shovel it in to feel safe and satisfied. The best program I know is Weight Watchers so I am counting points again as off today.

It's the next biggest gaping hole that needs dealt with in my life. I am ready, I am all in!

Good life takes effort

i just had the most amazing day. I liked who I was, I like what I was doing, I'm making new important friends and I haven't smoked in 3 weeks. If I felt better about my eating issue I really don't know if I could stand it. lol Today was that good.

I have know dramatic event or revelation to blog tonight, I simply enjoyed being here today.