Thursday, October 4, 2012

So I filled my mom in on my sisters drug binge that started days ago and picked up this morning at 6am

There comes a time when for what ever reason the universe doesn't give any consequences to an addict and instead just lets them slowly stir in the darkness of drug abuse. My sister started her binge on tuesday and has been gaining momentum. She was up and out of the house by 6:15 off to get "a breakfast sandwich".  Then for the next 7 hours she disappeared from inside the house for five or ten minutes about twice an hour. I asked her if she was smoking crack and she denied it.

There is a thing that happens with an addict face and eyes when they sink into addiction and usage. She looks like a sickly fun house version of herself with no light in her eyes at all. She looks like a soul-less un-dead.
So I filled my mother in on the days events and she told my sister to leave. She has said this before but backed out when it came time. If life will not give my sister a bottom to hit, then perhaps my family can effectively put her in a position where she sees the true nature of the disease. She still has a smuggness about her where you can see she thinks she is too cool to be bothered with reality. That smugness is hard to swallow when I just want to scream at her. We are not close. There is 6 years between us and the fact my parents raised us as only children in the same house didn't help. I do not love her but I am connected to her by birth. She has always been selfish and cold and I never found a way to bond with her.

If I didn't have to deal with her when she was fucked up, if she didn't feel the need to try and have conversation with me when I can barely follow her speech, I might feel differently. If she was drowning I would try to help so I need to try and help with the addiction. Stop making it so damn easy for her to use with no consequence.

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