Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Kimberly -thanks for sharing your experiences and thanks for the tips on how to allow the program to work for me. I will try a new approach.

I felt like an idiot after I posted because  frankly, it seemed to make me sound like an idiot. Just getting honest with you all helps some of the chatter die down, especially the leader with the megaphone. lol I don't think I quite hit my point total but I did take in plenty of protein so my points were good points and no stupid ones. I actually was in a twist about having added to many raisins to my special one cup , bowl earlier today. Really, 12 raisins would shoot me out of the point water for the day? lol   If you all don't mind I may try it again when my thoughts are screwed, it did help me today getting the crazy out and sharing it.  

One thing I know for sure and that I don't have to waste time and energy wondering about, that is SUGAR may just as well be crack cocaine. One bite of sugar turns loose this monster from the pit of my core than is coming out for more sugar. A spoon of ice cream and licking the bottom of the carton. Those 9.00 specialty coffees,,,,,,,,,I need to bring 30 bucks with me because I'm not stopping til the monster says I can. Part of being a drug addict is there is a driving force in me whether it be booze or pills that frightens me to start knowing there is a strong possibility I will have stop, just one shy of having enough.  One cookie, one candy, one frozen coffee. I want to know that once I start I WILL be satisfied. Then after the monster has had it's way and left me crumbled in bed, the self loathing comes relentlessly.  The obsession followed by compulsion is the actual equation in Narcotics Anonymous when discussing what is addiction. I recover from benzodiazepines one day at a time, only with food, I have to learn how to appropriately nourish my body with out eating to death.  The drugs are easier because I just don't put one in my mouth.

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