Despair, is that still a word?

I woke and and for some reason word, "Despair" came to mind. I have had days in recovery that weren't that great, and my emotional pain was not pleasant, but I have never been consumed by despair, since I had enough and tried a step based way to live. My life today, just for today is as opposite from from "Despair" as night is to day. Today there are pockets of light in me that I honestly haven't even realized are there, purging the embedded despair that I thought were original dark parts. I have been revolutionized and revitalized. Despair is the heart of the dark, and I never want to to be consumed by it again. Light-living is way more cool than trying to learn to love the dark.