I sent a note to a friend regarding a picture I found that she commented on. She jokingly said it seems like I wanted to have a little girl baby. I responded that I am the last living male in my family with the Gandy last name. I know many many gay men who desire to be fathers but I wasn't one of them. I love the fact the Gandy lineage dies with me, when I do. I am either a period at the end of the lineage for a fabulous giant EXCLAMATION point. Either way I haven't set some poor kid up with genes and memes that repeat and make it hard for us to be good humans. My father is a very good steward of the land and the animals but completely lousy with his family and terribly disconnected with himself to the point that nothing ever made him happy for long, and he was indeed his fathers son because grandpa S.R. was impossible to have any closeness with either.
If it was divine or chance the line of love lost and disconnection ends with me. No more Gandy boys.
Several years ago i watched a documentary on corn. For well over one hundred years corn has been so genetically modified that if man disappeared, in one years time there would never be another corn stalk grown on the planet because there is no naturally occuring wild corn anymore, we have bred the ability to self seed out of the plant. I thought about how that related to me and the fact that there will be know more from my gene pool.
I'm the last corn plant.