Thursday, December 16, 2010

Life is really something

We go along assuming that we have seen it , done it and felt it all then suddenly, boom. Your exposed to something foreign and completely different from anything you have know. I dreamed last night that I had fallen in love. I fell in love with someone who loved me back. The chemicals that get produced in our brains when we fall in love must have kicked in in my dreams because the love was intense , powerful, consuming yet gentle. It was so fantastic that when I woke up this morning my body seemed to be mourning for the loss of the dream love. I've been 5 inches from sad all day. It isn't the sad without hope that is drepression, it is just the sad for a loss of something that was beautiful.

I've never been in love as an adult. I have learned to get the most out of flirty school girl crushes, but I haven't been in love with anyone since I was 18 years old. For most of the time in between, I certainly wouldn't have been able to love much in return if there had been someone. The dream only reminded me what was possible. I'm much closer to being able to hold my end of a relationship up because I have many moments strung together now, where I feel like I am worthy of being on the planet AND that I have something important to give away.

In many ways the dream of being head over heels in love with something has only high lighted the fact that I have a place for it in my heart and I deserve unconditional love.

No comments: