I wished I still smoked today.

Part of being clean and sober and rightly medicated is showing up for the people in your life when they need help. One such person needed my help today and I got to practice patience and tolerance WHILE, not stuffing the aggravation. I seriously wished I hadn't quit smoking.

I've been looking at fear in my life , in the STates and in the world. It causes the best of people to be assholes and cause pain for others. It enables people to manipulate entire groups of people who share common fears that they aren't going to get enough or will lose something they cherrish.

When I look honestly at my life which as been completed submerged in fear, I realize what a waste of time its all been and how many people, were hurt. I am number one on that list.

Most of the stuff I was fearful of never happened and the few things that did come true weren't minimized or lessened by the length of time I spent in fear over it.

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. This is not real. lol