The Momentarian Blog

My recovery kindred is lost to himself again. This broken street woman appears and he aquieces. One again she is in his house and has free access to treat him like he thinks he deserves, vile and heartless words fly from her and then she turns the page to soft neediness which makes him feel big. I often think he is dancing with destruction then I think he is not dancing with it, his darkness is reeling her in like a prize. I have told him repeatedly that I see disaster, he agrees and nods. I want to scream in his ear to "WAKE UP" My old psych. used to use a term he read in a book that said most adults quit living by the time we were 7, so the world is full of dead children who don't know they are dead.  I was snooping on a strangers Facebook page and saw that in September she had included the sentence," I have been happy since I woke up today", and i had a guttural reaction to it. I almost sobbed because I have been happy since I woke up but I didn't know how to articulate it. She did it is has never been truer. Since I finished the last "person" on my 9th step list and a day or two later, the torment I had held onto for 15 years was completely removed, I have been happy like a child is happy.  After 20 plus years mostly IN the recovery world, I had no idea that this could really happen. The moment the room was made inside my spirit from the removal of the hurt and anger, I was filled with fizzy lifting liquid. lol I fucking effervesce in water. lol Not really, I don't release bubbles from my skin but I do sparkle. I'm am so free . Free Free Free. I have moved past the lie of religion, I found my own freeway that gave me action to the flow and I have nothing that I am holding on to to impede the ride. Now let's get this spirit party started............