Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I spent my first Saturday trying to properly heard 16 adolescents in treatment. The level on awareness to stay on top of all the moves and noise , wore my ass out. I took a 3 hour nap when I got home. I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night , I got up at 5am after laying down at midnight. I was paranoid I would over sleep on my first real day as an employee not "officially" in training. I did not make it to the gym tonight and I had to get my NA meeting covered by someone else. Instead of wasting time beating myself up over no gym, I'm just going to give myself a break and let it go. I'm paranoid if I don't do things perfectly right, I will be consumed by what ever it is I fear happening.

I'm watching Shawshank on a marathon and because of my super nap and the subject matter, I find that my heart is very full and warm. Relationships formed when you are in the lifeboat with someone else are incredibly special. I'm friends with you because I will be consumed by insanity if you are not here with me. Interdependence, is what we were designed for, not solo existence. "Hope is a good thing".

Hope is very hard to find when you lose it. If it is gone long enough, you forget there is/was ever such a thing and the dark becomes the norm.  

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