Saturday, January 5, 2013

I've been trying something new and I think it's paying off.  I don't hate or mind the work out in the gym. It's not confusing or difficult but I found myself making myself really miserable with thinking about going to the gym. The thinking was worse than the doing. When I was a teenager, I didn't sleep well. I would wake up super angry and I spoke to my family like a monster. Then one day I decided , that speaking to someone you love harshly just because you don't feel good is not acceptable. I never took my mood out on my family in the mornings again. So last week, I thought about that, and what power I have and seldom use is change the way I think. "Change your thoughts, change your life"...Dr. Dyer.  I made a deal with myself. I only think about working out, walking or lifting weights at the gym, when I am actually there. I haven't tortured myself with thoughts of going and doing all day long because, it is such a waste of energy to dread. Once I'm there I am completely fine. I'm only thinking about exercise when I am there and can actually do it. Why give away my energy and thoughts to something that technically could never happen again, if I were to get hit by the death bus that we have all heard about since we were kids, "You could get hit by a bus tomorrow" i would have wasted some of my finite time here. There are many areas of my life that I approach this way, but it just dawned on me about not focusing on dread of gym trips til last week. "What do I have to do right now"? Dread causes anxiety, anxiety causes inflammation. Inflammation causes illness. Illness includes my diseased thinking and  ill responses which I often turn to food to reduce. The only way I will keep this weight off and new approach to eating is to stay completely present in my life, aware! I"m in the bold new world of monitoring my mood and thoughts as they are happening and I'm not turning to food, alcohol or anxiety medicine.  I am working with out a net so to speak well, I have a great support team though.  Am I really willing to give up with is old and comforting for the chance at real freedom? Today I absolutely am willing to say yes. I've tasted freedom in areas of my life and I believe whole heartedly that freedom from my slavery to food is not only possible is currently unfolding around me.

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