Sunday, January 22, 2012
The next first day of the rest of my life.
I've been afraid to admit out loud that my idea of a power greater than myself is evolving. I have fought, tooth and nail the whole "God" thing because it I do not want to be linked to the crazy "God People" that have caused so much hurt in the world. I am in contact just by being alive and awake but I heard someone mentioning the comfort of prayer the other day and I felt something stir inside. I want to have a have a new way of communicating with the power out there and I am thinking that some form of prayer based on what I have heard others say may be it. I don't want a Santa in the sky or a magic "gimme" go to offer up a list of things I want. I accidentally said "God" last night when I was introducing my friend at an NA celebration and I realized that I wasn't using the word to just relay my thought, I realized as soon as the word left my lips I had connected to the word and concept in a way that I never have before. I have suspected I was evolving for a week or more and my "slip" at the podium kind of solidified it for me. In the area of spirituality I am changing. I've been the guy who rails about to much religion in AA and NA meetings since I cleaned up. I've used a nebulous life force as my power greater than me and I don't know if as I evolve I am ready to. I'm going to let this become what it becomes. I still hate religion, the practice of relating to a god. So I am going to try some sort of way to communicate with the power and try to continue to make it my own unique way. I am really afraid if I use the term "God", it would appear that I too have decided to "Drink The Koolaide".
Posted by etexman903 at 7:39 AM