Monday, May 30, 2011

oh happy happy damn day. lol

Any holiday that involves people not working is always a nightmare here in house of Gandy. It's always the same pain that is trotting out every time. The only change and it was a good one is I had no involvement in the Memorial Day Blow Out of 2011. (not even close to the Easter massacre) I only knew it went down after some stomping up the hall way went on capped with a slamming of a door than doesn't close all the way (very effective. lol) I ask my mom what was going on while I was gone hesitantly. It mostly involved my selfish , crack and Xanax riddled sister's selfish-self centeredness. I'm not saying she doesn't have real pain, but she was unpleasant and self centered as a child. Deep down , she doesn't like me and I have mostly no feeling for her. Although I have mentioned before, I would make a solid attempt to get her out of a burning house.. Today was different for me because I am different. I don't look for reasons to get my feelings hurt so I can retreat under the bridge and mentally masturbate myself with how wrong everyone else is. Yes, things suck but nothing sucks forever and I am making decisions and changes daily to get me to a different level of living and loving and coping with the people the universe places in my life, or the ones I pull in to allow me to practice being a good human even though they irk me. I hope there is no freaking holiday in the foreseeable future where everyone in the house is here all day. Otherwise, I might break out the "nighty night sandwiches" to serve at lunch and put them all down for a nap. lol I have been changed and it was apparant in my reactions today. I'm a few inches closer to being the me I hope for on birthday candles and stars in the sky.

2 comments:

Katie said...

Til my mom died, I spent holidays elsewhere. They wouldn't know what to do if there wasn't an uproar or a crisis....self-fulfilling prophecy??


Older now, I refuse to be around anyone who loves drama on holidays, and now the rest of the family meets my "demands." (It's a shame someone had to actually say "no more fighting on holidays, isn't it?)

I'm glad you're moving in a positive direction, my friend. :)

Clinton Gandy said...

Hi Katie. I have a sister in active drug use and it really just brings out the worst in all of us. I hate holidays. Expectations kick most of us in the gonads every time.

It sounds like you have a good plan in place for family stuff. I'm getting there.

It's a great time in my life and I'm happy I lived to see it. lol