Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Alive and Hopeful. Two miracles I will list on the top of ye ole Grattitude List.

I'm telling my story Friday night at my NA group. I did not want to do it because so much of my story confuses me. I could not say no. I will hope that whatever needs to happen happens and I don't offend the christians. I can't not share that not being a christian and being very wary of them didn't keep me from coming back to recovery. I have good friends in NA that are Christian and they no that the place I come from is one of being beaten down by misuse of the bible. I'm 75 percent better already about that. But when I meet someone and that is pretty much there lead line, I usually retreat. I don't want to be around anyone who believes anything without question. I don't think my mom has ever once questioned the validity of the indoctrination she got as a child in the holy roller church.

The best part of 12 step recovery is you are urged to think, and question and find out how the principles can fit into your own life. I have to talk about God, and I have to talk about the 18 years or so I spent in AA. To share in a general way and still get my point across is going to be fucking tricky.  I have no message to deliever, just my little story of what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. Then let go of the results. I was a singer, I was a paid actor and to find myself running from being the center of attention is a real trip. I'm still all in! Doors of opportunity open and today I find a way to walk through them.

1 comment:

Katie said...

Got confidence that you'll just let it roll out, Clinton, and it is what it is. :)