Love Hurts....ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh Love hurts.
Day before yesterday was my dads 75th birthday. I've only seen him once in 15 months and I wouldn't have seen him then but I didn't see how I could possibly get out of going to my grandma's memorial thing. My relationship with my dad is painful for me. I felt like 75 was a big enough number of years on the planet so I called his cell phone. I called the cell first because it was in the middle of the and figured he wouldn't be in the house and I did NOT want to have to fake pleasantries with his wife. He answers the cell, I say happy birthday and he says thank you and to call on the home phone next time, because this one cost money. So 2 days later ,my head has decided to take issue with that request not to call on the cell phone. I have waves of flashing rage at myself for making the call, and just plain hurt feelings over being told he didn't want to pay a dime a minute for a 3 minute phone call. My motive was simply to have one of his kids say happy birthday and it has turned into a "Dammit, this is what happens when I let myself be vulnerable. I'm sort of caught between not saying anything and stuffing it and finding a buffet to hump this weekend, or telling him he is such a miserable mutha fucka that I hope he gets trampled to death my the farm animals that he managed to take better care of than his kids.
Is Charlie Brown the idiot for thinking perhaps Lucy won't jerk the football away just as he runs to kick it or is he practicing spiritual principle by hoping and believing anything is possible. I have pulled some shit in my day regarding he and his wife, I certainly am not intentionally living in a glass house, but I don't know of anyone who I know the first and last name of that I would mind spending a dollar worth of time on a cell phone. He drives a 50 thousand dollar Avalanche but has a problem with sell phone charges. I just needed to get that out because I won't share it with my mom or sister, they know he is fucked up and selfish. I just am unwilling to carry this spiritual mucous around all day. If this doesn't help, I will hit the cell phone list, which as I have established my father's is no long on.