Straight people do not seem to understand that from the moment I knew I was different meaning gay, I have felt or seen little of anyone that claimed to be a follower of "God" to lead me to believe that I was in for nothing but pain and abuse by them. I hear "God" and my very cellular structures react by retreating and getting ready for another glancing blow from the team of the righteous.
I've been abused by theology , I've been bullied by people who claim to be "GOD?S" followers to the point that as soon as I hear GOD, I am ready to curl up into the fetal position to protect myself from the karate kicks.
We are talking 30 years of being pointed out, singled out, mocked, derided , castigated , casted out, bullied, and read for filth. Told repeatedly that I was not worth saving unless I did one thing. Deny who I am. Even when I tried doing that I never felt the relief that was promised. I did exactly as I was instructed to do and I still could not connection to "God" which made me think the things you said was true. There was no place for me in spirituality.
Saturday when I was so upset about the way the word "God" was invoked and was given credit for writing the literature in Narcotics Anonymous, all the old abuse issues came right back and suddenly I questioned how in the fuck did I let myself be vulnerable again.
I have a love concept of a Higher Power. If a Muslim, or a Jew or a Buddhist would have been speaking I would not have felt my body shut down and go into protect from abuse mode.
I do not know if I will EVER no associated the word GOD with anything that is approachable or connectable to any way of life I have. Nothing good has ever happened to me that is associated with that word-God.
I usually just sub in "Higher Power" when I hear the word God in a meeting but there was just to much mention Saturday and the whole gathering seem to take on the feel of an old camp revival.