I really got a full realization that my outlook has been changed. I was reading this depressed persons blog and I could completely understand her fascination with darkness, and pain, and going to the place you hurt the most and dare anyone to get near. I understand it but I no longer live in that space and I am not really sure when I left it. I still have the urge to "pick at scabs" but I don't wake up in dread. I expect wonderful exciting things instead waiting for "the other shoe to drop".
The walk across the street to the mail box doesn't make me anxious that there is gonna be dreadful news in the box. I seriously have walked around in a certain positive mind frame since I was in the hospital in Shreveport.
I have been depressed since early child hood and to learn how to set myself up for feeling good has been a big ole life changing phenomenon. When I was leave the store at dusk there were the scary looking clouds and I just stopped, lit a smoke and leaned back and enjoyed the awesome cloud show. It was a powerful moment that i would never be able to accurately describe, but I connected to the universe and I could so easily see the curve of the earth and how we cling to it.
I don't believe the universe is knows you are here on the planet until you get grateful. The moment you get grateful, the universe will step up and give you more more more stuff to be grateful for.
I hear a man of spirit say that there are two different kinds of gratitude. The first he called "COMPARISON GRATITUDE". When a person tries to feel gratitude by looking at someone less fortunate. He said it would work until you got to the second kind. The second kind of gratitude is one that permeates the brain, and spirit and head to toe. It emanates from you in a way that is palpable. Today I absolutely have been lit from with in.
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