I realized today that odds are I am not going to go back to smoking and that I should get a new identity in my head that isn't a smoker. For twenty years a cigarette in my hand has been a part of the mental picture I have of myself. A smoke in one hand and a ridiculously large diet coke in the other.
I am a non'smoker now. God that is soooo weird. All most 3 weeks and almost 3 months since I have popped any muscle relaxers or scripted' sleep meds. I am very fucking clean. lol
My eating is out of control. It has bypassed over eating to compulsive over eating. I have to stop before it gets worse. The good news is, I now know if I can quit drugs, alcohol and cigs, I should be able to get a more manageable grip of the food I eat. I' will deal with it as it comes up and hope I make progress.
I felt pretty at ease within my own self today and that is very welcomed.