I've been very angry. Anger coming up from 30 years of living. I haven't felt like thinking, or talking or writing. I am alive, and trying to find compassion for the family members I would love to punch in the face if I were a face puncher. It is really hard being a human. It is really hard to feel, as a human. FOr me, it is really hard not to let the bad feeling spin around and make me hurt myself.