I used to hear that a lot and i thought I understood but putting some thoughts together this weekend made it really hit home for me. I have had several years now of not having to deal with wanting to die daily. There has been other things that have put me through the ringer but I can pass over a bridge without wanting to veer hard to the right or left into the guard rail.
The single biggest thing I did to get my ass out of the hole of misery was I started trying new ideas on. I watch programs, listened harder to people when they spoke, I read on the net and books. If an idea was/is in it I am willing to at least listen or look at it.
When you get some practice at it you can tell by how your body and spirit respond if it is even close to the the truth of your life.
It is impossible to be a perfectionist when you are trying new things out fighting for a new life because some things will not work and that is fine. Part of a new idea can work and the other part may suck.
I tried for a lot of years to get a life in a 12 step group. Repeatedly I tried and because it never fully clicked for me I felt like a failure once again. BUT, I did get some great new ideas there and it helped me dump a lot of old ideas and stupid assumptions.
That 12 step group wasn't for me. I wasn't sicker or less sick than them , just broken in a different way. I have to create my own program for living.