Around midnight last night I looked at the clock and figured I had at least four hours before sleep might creep in. I went out to the garage to get a 2liter Diet Coke and I had the thought, why not try to experience the next for hours like it was the last four hours before I left on a space ship, or a long trip.
I felt the pressing Texas night heat on my face and I heard the chirp of the bucks. I noticed the way that the trees and cars were slightly illuminated and I heard dogs barking from every direction in the distance.
I made extra effort to experience the smell, the feel and touch of everything as if it were my first and last time to encounter them.
I've had some great stuff unfolding for me emotionally and spiritually but I haven't deciphered what information is just for me and what might do some good for someone else.
I do want to say that the growing rumble of a Tsunami of Fear in the country doesn't look good. I see a lot of people trying to use it for their own nefarious agendas. "I AM NOT SAFE' is one of the oldest memes or programs I have. I never had anyone purposely use it against me that I know of.
When the market crashed in the 1920's men jumped out of the high rises rather than see what was just being their terror of being broke and shamed. Then on the opposite in of the spectrum when the concentration camps were liberated they found small poems and butterflies caved in some of the walls.
Do I jump or do I try to create or find some beauty in whatever my situation is, bleak or fancy.
Life doesn't change. My perspective may make it appear it does, but life doesn't change.
The earth, the host, the original living thing has been kind that is as put up with our (human) stuff as long as it has. If you have never noticed WE, HUMAN"S of the planet are parasites. The parasites won't stop until it kills its host with it never ending desire to consume.
I planted some Zinnia's a few years ago and the seed was about the size of a piece of paper confetti. It grew, it bloomed, it died. I ran it cycle. It left seeds behind. It fullfilled it's purpose in the scheme of things. It didn't get sidetracked about what color it was or distracted by it's size or shape. It just did what the universe programed it to do and it was spectacular.
Everything I do in my life, makes it harder for me to successfully run my cycle productively. Half my life is over, or more. Physically, my body is way past its peak. But for the next minute, month or decade, I really want to clear the crap away and I want to grow, bloom and die. I want to leave some of my best seeds of creation behind and I want to have been spectacular.
In my darkest times, I hope I have to peace of mind to scratch my own butterfly on a wall and attempt to scratch a hopeful thought.
Don't let the fear rob you of you life.