I've always done best when I know longer have a choice about something. Sometimes it is situational and some time pain forces me to do things. A couple of months ago I realized that I felt like October 31 was going to be the day I shot for with regards to where I live. After the meltdown this weekend I finally made up my mind that yes, that date is indeed the "make a change" day.
You know that old saying "Leap of Faith", well I haven't leaped I have been pushed.
Living with frustration is abusurd. I really can't believe I have been in this loop for so long. I have such an overwhelming fear of not being perfect that I get paralyzed pretty easily.
I also can't believe I would rather seriously live under a bridge than stay with anyone who tries to micro manage me. I can't bear to explain myself any more. As miserable as all this has felt it is such a great to outgrow your shell. I have never heard if it is painful for crabs and snails when they leave the old shell while the new one grows but I am molting as I type.
At this point, 4 weeks from my 42nd birthday, I really feel like I have nothing to lose and everything to gain-like a real life.
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