Peace

A few years ago when I sort of melted down and ended up hospitalized in Shreveport. I decided while I was there, all I really wanted in the whole world was to feel peace. Full body peace. When I left there I read and read and talked with people who knew more than I did and I really did achieve my desire. I was peaceful through and through. I wasn't using any chemicals, and I felt at ease.
When I started having neck problems I was prescribe a muscle relaxer. The first couple times I took more than I was supposed to I noticed I couldn't feel any spiritual connection for a while after I used them. Now the insane part is, I traded what I knew I had that I liked for what's behind curtain number three of prescription meds and ended up with the donkey prize like on "Let's Make A Deal"

I knew clearly that it was impossible to use or misuse medication and be able to hold on to my "connectedness" with spirit and humanity and I chose to chase meds.

I like the downers. I like the feeling of being so sleepy that I could fall asleep in mid sentence. Go figure.

When I read that Michael Jackson had himself surgerically put to sleep, my first thought was, "that is fucking genius", my second thought was I feel empathy for him because I know what he must feel like inside. I wasn't a fan of his but I certainly made a connection in his death.