I
realize that I have had the benefit of thousands of self ideas, scores
of friends who share intimate details of the stories of relationships
and countless 12 step meetings , but I heard in a meeting in 1992,
"Damaged People Damage OTHER people, Dammit" and I believed it. I
believed the second it landed in my ears and hit my brain. I don't have
specials or amulets that will protect if I decide to befriend (or more)
seriously fucked people. It's universal truth of spirit. It's either ego
or stupidity the women fall in love with the bad boy, or men who think
that "do something with" a gal. If you leave the glove box open in your,
and the tiny light comes, it will burn and burn and finally even though
it is a tiny light, it will drain every bit of the juice out of your
battery and then the whole car won't start. I"m kind to most everyone
but the people I choose or feel led by spirit to get close to are people
who have an independent source of light
for themselves they come pre-lit. The most they need from me is a spark
for the pilot light if it has gone out. I had a job around a treatment
center and I let all the clients into my center, in the name of service
work and misguided kindness, I was swallowed up by fearful, desperate
people and suddenly, I realized , I had left my glove box open,WEEKS
Ago. lol All my life I was told "Clinton, you just have to find every
thing out for yourself, the hard way". I didn't know any better than to
believe them. I lived long enough to find out that, that is not true at
all. I hear story and I believe your experience and know if this is how
it played out for you, I see know reason my experience would be
different. I am FUCKING TEACHABLE today and from the center of the core
of my being, I am so thankful. "If a man hits you once, he will hit you
again." "Some people are hooked the moment they do coke for the first
time" "It's easier to tell the truth the first time". and "Damaged
people damage other people, dammit". The only ass I am capable of saving
is my own, and that requires me to stay in reality and out of the world
of fantasy that my recovery is so grand I can save someone who doesn't
want to be save. It is not uncommon for drowning people to drown their
rescuers.
One of my favorite quotes is "
There is
really nothing you must be and there is nothing you must do. There is
really nothing you must have and there is nothing you must know. There
is really nothing you must become. However, it helps to understand that
fire burns, and when it rains, the earth gets wet.
-Zen saying
Today I am certain the water is wet and fire burns. I have learned how
to learn from the tale that the others tell. End of story. ( PUFF PUFF)
as my friend Alfred would type
